In the spirit of Valentine’s Day I thought I would share with you a story from the same day two years ago when I surprised my husband by fulfilling one of his most longstanding desires: to watch me dance for him.
Like many of the wives who may be reading this, I’ve always struggled with body image and I never really could look in the mirror and see myself as anything more than a frumpy, nothing-to-fuss about, ordinary lady.
Despite my husband’s romantic and sugary sweet compliments and advances, it was impossible for me to see it for myself. First I figured he needed his eyes checked, but after he got new glasses I figured he was just lying. Finally, after his adamant insisting that I was the “most beautiful woman he’d ever seen,” I concluded that he must just be crazy.
He would insist that he adored my body, curves and all. He’s always been extremely affectionate and physical, and would sometimes even kiss my stretch marks especially, just to show me that he saw my flaws and still loved them.
Even still, I couldn’t get over what was inside of me.
But that made me feel like an awful wife. Didn’t I at least owe it to my husband to embrace my sex appeal so that he could enjoy me even more?
One night in early February while looking at myself in the mirror I decided that enough was enough, I was going to go way out on the furthest limb that I’ve ever even thought about daring to go out on and I would fulfill the one desire that he had long since given up on. I was going to dance for my husband.
Well I certainly wasn’t ready to just burst out of the bathroom and shake my hips for him. But how would I prepare?
First, I prayed.
I wanted to be the wife that my husband deserved and to generously provide him access to me and his desires. There was no good reason for me to not at least try this. It wasn’t morally wrong or harmful, I was just uncomfortable. And it wasn’t just about the dancing…my lack of self confidence spilled over into way too many areas of our marriage and it was constantly damaging.
I’d like to share a prayer with you who may be struggling in the same place.
“Lord, please help me to see myself through my husband’s eyes…as a beautiful, lovely, desired and even sexy woman of God. Help me to know in my heart and my mind that I was wonderfully created and keep me from restricting my husband’s access.”
I decided that if I wanted things to get better I was going to need to believe my husband. His words and his actions were true. From the way he looked at me to the way he held me, I knew it was special, but I never realized that this was pure passion–a passion able to lift me up and help me find comfort.
As I realized this more and meditated on these thoughts, I became more and more ready for the big show. I still felt kinda silly and awkward, but I knew that if I was going to believe my husband that this was something he really, truly wanted then he was ready to accept my rhythm-less, awkward self and everything would be okay no matter what happened.
I watched some videos on YouTube that surprisingly helped a lot, and practiced a clumsy routine while he was away at work.
I sneakily ordered a new lingerie set because I wasn’t aiming to just satisfy his age old request, I was aiming to knock his socks off!
When the day finally came and we were finally alone, I took a shower, fixed my makeup, changed into the outfit that he had never seen before and set up the room. I lit candles, set music and sprayed some of my perfume.
I called my lover into the room and he was absolutely floored. From the moment he laid eyes on me he smiled a huge smile that he probably smiled for the rest of the evening. I sat him down on the bed and moved to the music. I showed myself off to him and even encouraged him to touch.
After a while I was no longer worried with how I looked because I was just so excited to be truly giving of myself to my husband. I was getting so much in return by giving him exactly what he wanted. It’s a feeling that I can’t even put into words because it’s beyond anything I could have expected.
But let me tell you in that moment watching his gaze, moving to the music and seeing that smile I. felt. sexy.
The song wrapped up and I invited him to join me for the next song. He stood up and held me in his arms. We moved to the music, staring into each other’s eyes, slowly swaying back and forth and kissing in between uncontrollable smiles.
This experience unlocked a new level of intimacy for us. It helped me to feel sexy and reminded me that allowing yourself some vulnerability can be really helpful for your marriage.
Maybe setting this scene and dancing for your husband isn’t the right thing for your marriage, but I would encourage you to do these three things:
Pray for direction and comfort from whatever it is that you’re feeling. Our Heavenly Father is big enough to take all of our insecurities and to lift us up above any obstacles.
Move out of the way.
Maybe the obstacle standing in the way of something is you. Almost nothing has a 100% success rate, but you won’t know if something works for you until you try.
Believe your hubby.
I wish it hadn’t taken me so long to believe the things my husband has always said to me. I’m so happy to feel like a new woman around him and seeing the smile on his face when I confidently embrace my sex appeal is a great feeling.
Happy Valentine’s Day! Just 11 Days Away!