Initiating sex can can be really difficult, especially for those of us who are a little shy… but it’s a really powerful way to reaffirm your love and desire for your spouse.
Still, sometimes it can be awkward to do, and we often feel even more reluctant to engage if we’ve faced or been the face of a history of rejection and refusal.
Are you the gatekeeper of sex in your marriage? The spouse who always has the say of whether or not your partner “gets lucky” tonight? When sex drives are mismatched, a “gatekeeper” spouse can often be identified.
And more often than not, that’s the wife. After all, wives are generally the lower drive spouses. But not feeling in the mood doesn’t mean we don’t wan to feel in the mood! It doesn’t mean we don’t want to jump our husbands, satisfy their every needs, and ride them into the sunset…
But when you’re the lower drive spouse…it can be really hard to initiate all of that.
Here are five ways to help you overcome the obstacle of figuring out how to initiate sex:
God created sex as a wonderful gift to connect us with our spouses. He wants our sex lives to thrive. God also created prayer as a direct line for us to connect with Him about anything and everything.
Use this line to ask God to open you up to initiating sex in order to make your spouse feel more loved, more desired, and more satisfied.
Set Phone Reminders
It may seem a little unusual, but sometimes sex doesn’t happen simply because we forget. There are so many responsibilities every day that if we don’t keep it high on our list of priorities and make time for it, it can easily slip through the cracks.
Are you a mom? Just think about all of the things you have to do and the people you have to take care of every single day. Even though you wouldn’t trade it for the world, it still consumes most of your life.
If this is happens in your marriage, try setting an alert on your phone to remind you that you want to “get it on” at some point today.
Wear something that makes you feel sexy
Don’t just wear what society, or even your best friend, tells you is a sexy outfit, wear something that truly makes you feel it on the inside.
If you’re concerned with itchy straps and scratchy lace all over the place, you’ll never have the chance to truly relax and enjoy your sexy-time with your spouse.
When you feel confident and flirty, it will be much easier for you to lead your spouse to the bedroom for some intimate fun.
Prepare Throughout the Day
If you want to initiate sex tonight, think about it in a relaxing and comfortable way all throughout the day.
Fix your mind mind on the positive things you love about sex, like the great pleasure or how it makes you and your spouse feel connected.
There are plenty of non-sexual other things you can also initiate in your marriage that can also help out in the bedroom.
If you focus on the stress that it brings you or maybe your history of not quite getting it right, it’s more than likely that you’ll just be stressed out all day and very reluctantly to do anything later.
Verbally Commit, then Follow Through
Maybe your lack of initiating has been frustrating your spouse and you want to make a change. Sometimes it’s as simple of saying what you’re going to do and making sure you do it.
Don’t tease your spouse and get their hopes up. Instead get them excited, then give them a reason to be excited next for next time.
What other ideas do you have for getting ready to initiate sex with your spouse? Let us know in the comments!